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Dragons by Dreikun

Dragon Stories - DragonTF stories by Ealdeth

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Submitted on
November 12, 2012
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                    Bryan and Sarika sprinted through the cave as fast as they could for they both were very eager to play with each other so badly. The Three Dragons Selena, Zenith, and Sarama just watched them with happy faces as well as they laughed watching them getting closer to the exit of the cave and seeing their children so happy. Bryan kept running towards the exit but Sarika easily got ahead of him for having four legs and even being a young dragon she still had quite some strength within her. Once she reached the end of the cave before Bryan, she turned around just giving Bryan a chance to catch up. “Come on Bryan we have so much to do new cousin.” Sarika called to Bryan. Bryan just laughed as he kept running as fast as he could to reach Sarika at the end of the cave. Once he made it to Sarika they both walked outside through the dense forest to the nearby valley that the cave and forest were near.
                “Thanks for stopping for me Sarika I knew you would win for I wouldn’t be able to keep up with you having four legs and wings and all.” Bryan said to Sarika with his hand on her shoulder.
                  “Don’t mention it Bryan for im just so excited finally after so long I finally got my wish and that was to have someone my age as well as someone at least my size to play with.” Sarika told Bryan.
                  “ Really It was your wish to play with someone like me?” Bryan asked Sarika with a slightly confused face.
                    “ Yes. I have hardly ever played with anyone besides my mommy. Not that I didn’t like to play with her but I just always wanted to play with other kids. Im so happy now that I can and especially its my new cousin.” Sarika said to Bryan wrapping her claws around Bryan giving him a hug. Bryan was surprised by it at first but then he felt so happy that he has someone practically like him that really likes him for who he is and is happy to have someone to play with. Bryan returned the gesture by wrapping its arms around her giving her a hug as well. They released each other from their grasps. Then they both sat down deciding on what they should do for fun.
                 “Well what would you like to do for fun Sarika?” Bryan asked the young dragon.
              “ How about we play Tag Bryan.” Sarika said to him with a smile on her face.
               “Sure Sarika lets play that.” Bryan said to her then sprung up from ground touching the dragons nose saying “ Your it!” Bryan sprinted off from Sarika with a smile on his face.
                “Oh so thats how you want to play huh Bryan? Okay then.” Sarika just  watched as Bryan ran off from her. Sarika stood and took off after Bryan quickly gaining on him. Bryan while running turned his head quickly to see how close his pursuer was. He was shocked to see Sarika gaining so quickly. He then ran faster but no matter how fast he ran he just was no match for the speed of a dragon. Sarika gained on Bryan within seconds touching his shoulder then said “Your it!” turning around to run the opposite way. Bryan turned around to try and catch Sarika for some reason he was gaining on her very easily. Bryan quickly gained on Sarika just about to get her. But Sarika had something mind that would disappoint Bryan. Just before Bryan could get her. He jumped to try to get to her saying “ I gotcha now!” Bryan said just about to land on top of her. Sarika then spreaded her wings and took off the ground rising in the air and out of the way before Bryan landed on her. Bryan landed with a soft thud on the ground. He rolled over on his back to see his Dragon cousin just hover a few feet above him, he just laughed then said “ Come on Sarika. No fair I don’t have wings.” Sarika then just landed on top of Bryan looking down on him with a smile. She then preceeded to tickle him. Bryan couldn’t move for with Sarika pinning him down he had no where to go but be at the mercy of Sarika.
                    “ Please........ha ha ha........Please..ha ha ha ha ha.....Please Sarika Stop. ha ha ha!” Bryan pleaded while being tickled. Sarika stopped tickling Bryan getting off so he could sit up. Bryan just sat there trying to regain his breath after being tickled for a few minutes.
                    “ That was so uncalled for.” Bryan said to Sarika with a very happy smile.
                   “ I know ha ha But I wanted to do it anyway.” Sarika replied to Bryan returning the smile. The Children then resumed their game of tag while in the edge of the forest Selena just sat there and watched her beloved son play with her sisters child being so happy as well as she was too seeing her child happier than ever since his tragedy.
                  Hours pasted during the day while the children played with Selena watching them. Selena looked to the edge of the horizon seeing the sun starting to fade. She stood up then walked to the children still playing in the valley. Bryan then felt the ground rumble a bit. He turned to the direction where he could feel the ground rumble the most. He saw Selena his dragon mother come towards him with a smile on her muzzle.
                “Hello dear. Did you two have alot of fun” Selena asked Bryan.
                 “ Yes Mother we did very much. Thank you for bringing me here to meet them all, but you said I would have an uncle but I didn’t see him. Where is he?” Bryan asked Selena
                 “ Oh Yes I forgot your Uncle is off on a special occasion with a meeting with the high order of dragons so I forgot to mention that my dear. My apologies.” Selena told Bryan.
                “ Thats alright Mother. Well can we stay any longer?” Bryan asked.
                  “ Im sorry my child but its getting late. We have to go. Zenith already left to find dinner for us so he will be home so we must go.” Selena replied to Bryan.
                  “ Oh okay Mom.” Bryan said with sad tone but he understood for it was very late in the day, and he did feel hungry.
                   “ Oh don’t worry you will get come back in time and Sarika knows where we live so she can visit anytime.” Selena reassured Bryan. Bryan turned to Sarika giving her a farewell hug                                                                                                      “ Bye Sarika it was great playing with you and I can’t wait to do it again sometime and tell your mom I said bye too and It was great to meet her as well.” Bryan said to her.
                          Sarika returned the favor wrapping her claws around Bryan hugging him as well. “ Bye Bryan I will tell her that for you and It was great and I can’t wait either farewell cousin.” Sarika said to Bryan. They then let go of each other. Bryan then was gently grabbed by Selena. She then brought her head down to Sarika giving her a farewell nuzzle. Selena then took to the air flapping her wings at great speed with Bryan in her claw. Bryan waved goodbye to Sarika on the ground below while he and his mother flew away back to their mountain cave home. Within minutes they reached their home in the mountains. Selena landed softly at the mouth of the cave. She let go of Bryan who then ran inside while Selena walked in. Zenith was already there cooking up his latest catch that he was cooking for Bryan. He was breathing small flames on what was two squirrels that were gutted and skinned. Bryan could smell something delicious so he ran towards Zenith climbing on top of him top since Zenith had his back towards Bryan. Zenith chuckled feeling his son climb on him reaching his neck. He then kneeled his head down having Bryan slide down his neck then threw his head up having Bryan be launched in air. Bryan took it by surprised then yelled in excitement going up in the air then coming down. Zenith caught Bryan with his claw then nuzzled him.
                         “ Welcome Home son and heres your dinner.” Zenith said to Bryan after he nuzzled him.
                          “ Thank you Father.” Bryan said to him hugging Zenith muzzle. He let go of Zenith then grabbed his cooked up Squirrels and started eating them. Selena come up Zenith nuzzled him. Zenith returned the nuzzle to her then pointed towards the side of the cave where three dead deer were laying that was apparently Selena’s dinner. Selena walked towards the dead deer grabbing them then started to eat them. Once Bryan and Selena were both done eating their dinner they walked towards Zenith and both said at the same time  “ Thank you very much”
                         “You both are most welcome. I hope you had alot of fun today my son?” Zenith said to Bryan.
                           “ Yes Father I had alot of fun thank you both for taking me to meet them all.” Bryan replied to Zenith as well as addressing Selena as well.
                            “ Aww we would do anything to make you happy my son for its the least we can do child.” Zenith told Bryan. Selena then looked at the edge of the cave realizing its already dark. She yawned and saw Bryan with a very tired look on his face.
                            “ Well I think all have earned a good nights rest after an exciting day.” Selena said to her family. Zenith shook his in agreement then gently picked up Bryan with his mouth by his shirt being careful not to harm him. The two dragons walked into their nest then settled in. Bryan was released from Zenith who put him down once he layed down next to Selena. Bryan walked over to his suitcase where his water container was. He picked up and drank the whole container until it was empty. He grabbed his Teddy bear then walked over to the dragons where Selena grabbed Bryan and cradled him. Zenith saw the furry Teddy in Bryans grasp wondering what it was.
             “ My son what is it that you are holding?” Zenith asked. Bryan looked up at Zenith from Selena’s cradled grasp.
            “ Its a Teddy Bear Father. I was given this minutes before the accident from my other parents.” Bryan replied. He then held his Bear a bit tighter given the fact he was having a dark flashback thinking about with a bit horrified look on his face.
                “ Aww im see and im terribly sorry I made you think of that incident. Please forgive me my son.” Zenith said realizing what he did then moved his claw to Bryan gently rubbing him in Selena’s grasp.
               “ Its okay Father and Thank you both for being here for me I love you very much.” Bryan said to Zenith and Selena. Bryan then fell asleep within Selena’s grasp and  both dragons gave Bryan a kiss on his forehead.
               “Goodnight Bryan we love you too.” They both whispered to Bryan. The dragons then shared a goodnight kiss then fell asleep within an instant to await and rest for the next day which will hold yet another adventure for the family no one would’ve ever thought could become.
    To Be Continued...................
Heres my 8th Chapter I hope you all like it.
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I think this is a rather good story chapter. It has got some aspects of originality, though at the same time; it hasn't. Asides from that, I like how the characters interact with one-another and the concept of you gender diversity is great. What I would suggest on the other hand is to work on aspects of your grammar, like punctuation and sometimes capitalisation. Remember the three space rule at each speech, too. It keeps consistency. Also, I would recommend thinking more of the five-senses in your writing. Smell, sight, taste, hearing and feel. The impact however, is great. Good work and keep it up!
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The Artist thought this was FAIR
8 out of 8 deviants thought this was fair.

Alright, I'm going to vary from the general theme here on praises and give you a more critical assessment of your story in general and your writing it's self.
First your story theme is a good one and for all that the beginnings when the human parents die is a sad event and can be powerful, I didn't feel the connection that some of the others felt. I feel that you didn't capitalize on this story feature well enough. This is why I gave you a 4.5 in vision and a 3.5 on impact
I didn't get a good feel for the emotions of the Dragoness Selena or her husband/mate Zenith. I think that you should have told more back story and given the reader more information and emotional connection to the plight the two Dragon Parents are going through. Tell us why they have been unable to have any dragonetts (Baby dragons), tell us why Selena would be willing to take a human boy as a son. A story is built on conflict; whether it is physical conflict like wars and battle, or emotional conflict like just having seen your parents die in a horrible car accident.
As was said by A-Ghra-Mo-Chroi you do need to work on your sentence structure and syntax a bit more to help the flow of the story.
I do like the formality that you gave the dragons and you could possibly add that as a source of conflict for Bryan in that he might not be used to such formality.
The reasons above are why I gave you a 2.5 in technique
Finally for originality; while friendly dragons are not the most original story piece anymore the fact that one would take in a human orphan is more unique than many other stories that I've seen over the years. I give a 4 in originality, for a grand total of 3.6 stars average
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7 out of 7 deviants thought this was fair.

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Dravakiirm Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
another really great chapter! love it and cant wait to read more.
Ealdeth Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
Nice job
jazz316 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
Thank you very much
Ealdeth Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
You're welcome
YAMATA12 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student General Artist
:iconlaexplodeplz: XD!!!
I was waiting for this like a crazy XD!!!!
waiting for next one now XD!!!!
jazz316 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
Im extremly happy you love it my friend
YAMATA12 Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Student General Artist
of course I love ti, its such a great story :love: and so cute at the same time :iconexcitedblushplz: XD!
jazz316 Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012
Im very happy that you do my friend and Please tell me in detail how you love it
YAMATA12 Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Student General Artist
I love the way you write the facts of the story, the personality of your characters and every thigs else, you rock XD!!!!! I love you XD!!!
jazz316 Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012
Aww Thank you very much
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